Think you’re ready to see the zodiac’s dark side? Get ready! This is your guide through the ins and outs of the twelve Sun signs, from Cancer the Simp to Aggro Aries. You will feel attacked, and you will laugh bitterly at the signs of your exes. Afterward, you will follow the Dirtbag Astrologer himself, Alberto Toribio, through the emotional whats and whys of Moon signs, the horror of Mercury Retrograde — and you’ll pick up plenty of other crucial information along the way. This degenerate handbook to the stars in guaranteed to give you the hard truths, even when it hurts (especially when it hurts).